Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
a little family lovin
just got off the phone with all the SB ladies! i feel a little bit humbled by their love. it was riotous and funny and there was lots of talk about the husband i am supposed to meet while i am home. so i told they should keep praying and i will be open and have faith!! i sure to love being in the states with my family and friends but i know for sure what a treasure i have in the relationships that have helped me make my home in india.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
My most recent prayer letter
June Prayer Letter 2008
The suffering in the world is coming hard and fast these days. This month Burma has been horrifically devastated by a cyclone. Multiple bomb blasts rocked Jaipur in North West India and a huge earthquake rocked China. In West Bengal, the Indian state in which I live, elections often get out of control and a child was trampled to death yesterday in the chaos. Even closer to home for me, another friend here has been diagnosed with HIV and several of our Sari Bari ladies are suffering from serious heath issues. I struggle to make sense of it all, especially when I am confronted with my own struggle to embrace the suffering while still retaining the hope that moves me forward.
My own person struggle to make sense of God's love and his undeserved gift of grace has been at the forefront of my mind these last months. I think encountering suffering for me often brings me back to the feet of Jesus to try and make sense of things. The love of the Father extends to those who are suffering, struggling to survive in a harsh world. The craziest thing is that most of the time I do not think it all makes much sense. God's love, especially as it pertains to grace, does not make much sense in a world of disasters, terrorist acts, HIV and the senseless deaths of children.
But the Master of loves giving us lessons in just how far His loves goes. He gives us such a grand dose of His amazing love that it is overwhelming. Overwhelming because in all truth we do anything and every thing to prove to God that we are not worthy or to prove that we ARE! It is the free undeserved gift of it that seems to gets me every time. The grace of part of God's plan does not make any sense, the part the forgives when we get it wrong, as many times as we get it wrong. Really that kind of love does not make sense if you want to get things done in the way we do things here on the planet earth. If you make a really big mistake, commit violence against another human being, you get fired, or lose relationship, you will find yourself in situation with few options. There are not too many people lining up to help you out, take your place on the unemployment line, or forgive your bad behaviour. We who make mistakes deserve to pay for them, we who make enemies deserve the treatment we receive, right?
The upside downess of grace has me in a tailspin these days. I keep reading Luke 6 over and over trying to soak up his words. Luke's writing of the of the beatitudes, words on forgiveness, loving your enemies, storing up good things in your heart and not evil things so you can bring the good things out to share when the time comes, are hitting me where it hurts. Reminding me that the traffickers and customers, need God's grace and forgiveness and that God wants to give Good gifts to those who suffer in this world…blessed are you poor for yours is the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus wants to give the Kingdom for those who now suffer, He wants us to love our enemies and go even further to embrace them, he wants us to protect us from becoming like those we struggle to love and give grace. He calls us to radical love, to making our lives about filling up on His Goodness so we can share it. These are hard words for me because while I love the women we work with deeply, there are many things about Kolkata and the injustice I encounter that I loathe. Many days I have unpack the hard ugly things I have stored in my heart to once again allow God to remind me that I too desperately need the undeserved gift of grace.
I want to thank all of you have joined with me in prayer for the women and you are who are advocating for me personally. I have felt the covering of prayer and I am being sustained even in the hot, hot grossness of the Kolkata MAY!
I will be in the states at the end of the year, marking three years since my return to Kolkata, as I said in last prayer letter and I look forward to spending time you my prayer warriors and friends. I will need to to cover my travel home during that time and I am also continuing to look for additional financial support for my regular expenses. I know times are hard in the states so really do appreciate you regular support and I know what a sacrifice it is for many of you. Know that you are much appreciated!
With love,
Sarah
The suffering in the world is coming hard and fast these days. This month Burma has been horrifically devastated by a cyclone. Multiple bomb blasts rocked Jaipur in North West India and a huge earthquake rocked China. In West Bengal, the Indian state in which I live, elections often get out of control and a child was trampled to death yesterday in the chaos. Even closer to home for me, another friend here has been diagnosed with HIV and several of our Sari Bari ladies are suffering from serious heath issues. I struggle to make sense of it all, especially when I am confronted with my own struggle to embrace the suffering while still retaining the hope that moves me forward.
My own person struggle to make sense of God's love and his undeserved gift of grace has been at the forefront of my mind these last months. I think encountering suffering for me often brings me back to the feet of Jesus to try and make sense of things. The love of the Father extends to those who are suffering, struggling to survive in a harsh world. The craziest thing is that most of the time I do not think it all makes much sense. God's love, especially as it pertains to grace, does not make much sense in a world of disasters, terrorist acts, HIV and the senseless deaths of children.
But the Master of loves giving us lessons in just how far His loves goes. He gives us such a grand dose of His amazing love that it is overwhelming. Overwhelming because in all truth we do anything and every thing to prove to God that we are not worthy or to prove that we ARE! It is the free undeserved gift of it that seems to gets me every time. The grace of part of God's plan does not make any sense, the part the forgives when we get it wrong, as many times as we get it wrong. Really that kind of love does not make sense if you want to get things done in the way we do things here on the planet earth. If you make a really big mistake, commit violence against another human being, you get fired, or lose relationship, you will find yourself in situation with few options. There are not too many people lining up to help you out, take your place on the unemployment line, or forgive your bad behaviour. We who make mistakes deserve to pay for them, we who make enemies deserve the treatment we receive, right?
The upside downess of grace has me in a tailspin these days. I keep reading Luke 6 over and over trying to soak up his words. Luke's writing of the of the beatitudes, words on forgiveness, loving your enemies, storing up good things in your heart and not evil things so you can bring the good things out to share when the time comes, are hitting me where it hurts. Reminding me that the traffickers and customers, need God's grace and forgiveness and that God wants to give Good gifts to those who suffer in this world…blessed are you poor for yours is the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus wants to give the Kingdom for those who now suffer, He wants us to love our enemies and go even further to embrace them, he wants us to protect us from becoming like those we struggle to love and give grace. He calls us to radical love, to making our lives about filling up on His Goodness so we can share it. These are hard words for me because while I love the women we work with deeply, there are many things about Kolkata and the injustice I encounter that I loathe. Many days I have unpack the hard ugly things I have stored in my heart to once again allow God to remind me that I too desperately need the undeserved gift of grace.
I want to thank all of you have joined with me in prayer for the women and you are who are advocating for me personally. I have felt the covering of prayer and I am being sustained even in the hot, hot grossness of the Kolkata MAY!
I will be in the states at the end of the year, marking three years since my return to Kolkata, as I said in last prayer letter and I look forward to spending time you my prayer warriors and friends. I will need to to cover my travel home during that time and I am also continuing to look for additional financial support for my regular expenses. I know times are hard in the states so really do appreciate you regular support and I know what a sacrifice it is for many of you. Know that you are much appreciated!
With love,
Sarah
Monday, May 12, 2008
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
if i blogged...
If I actually blogged in the last week, this is what i a would have written about:
*The coolness of the WMF Nepal Community. Sweet hang out times mixed with times of fear and murderous rage toward extremely large spiders that moved faster than a speeding bullet. moved being the operative word, said spider is no longer with us.
*What God is showing me though Luke Chapter 6
*How to celebrate simplicity with the poor. Imagine facilitating a discussion on simplicity with someone who lives in one room with their whole family. i may actually write a whole blog later this week on this experience.
*The beauty of learning new things, watching the Bengali staff understand why the women respond the way they do, learning the effects of trafficking, seeing how we can serve the women we love so much better, seeing that we are doing somethings right and that we still have a way to go.
*Coffee is always best when shared.
*The coolness of the WMF Nepal Community. Sweet hang out times mixed with times of fear and murderous rage toward extremely large spiders that moved faster than a speeding bullet. moved being the operative word, said spider is no longer with us.
*What God is showing me though Luke Chapter 6
*How to celebrate simplicity with the poor. Imagine facilitating a discussion on simplicity with someone who lives in one room with their whole family. i may actually write a whole blog later this week on this experience.
*The beauty of learning new things, watching the Bengali staff understand why the women respond the way they do, learning the effects of trafficking, seeing how we can serve the women we love so much better, seeing that we are doing somethings right and that we still have a way to go.
*Coffee is always best when shared.
Monday, April 14, 2008
This is true...
Here are somethings that are true about my life in INDIA:
1. I rarely sleep well because of the traffic noise outside my window.
2. I get to eat good indian food whenever I want!
3. God's grace is real to me because i get to see my brokeness reflected back to me everyday.
4. i have very dirty feet!
5. My finger nails are dirty 76 percent of the time.
6. I eat with my hands 50 percent of the time.
7. i can make a plan but i can plan on the fact that it will not happen the way i planned!
8. Jesus teaches me everyday about HOPE!
9. My community and the Sari Bari ladies teach me everyday about intimacy, forgiveness, choseness, freedom and community.
10. When you wash the floor, it will only stay clean for 10 minutes.
11. I cohabitate with insects, rodents and gecko's.
12. I do not know what i look like 98percent of the time. This is often a bad thing!
13. I have significantly more gray hair in the last year.
14. I always look forward to going to work at Sari Bari.
15. The red light area is both the hardest and best thing i spend time doing every week.
16. Sitting on our kitchen counter every morning looking at the howrah bridge gives me life.
17. Cold showers are a beautiful thing when it is 103.
18. I see the bible with different eyes. many things make more sense....
19. Skype makes living here not so far away...
I guess I will leave it on an odd number.....just to keep it interesting. Lots of other things are true but right now i am headed for bed so i can get up and run in the morning! So number 20. could be, i get up every tuesday and thursday morning with beth and run by the river, just because.
1. I rarely sleep well because of the traffic noise outside my window.
2. I get to eat good indian food whenever I want!
3. God's grace is real to me because i get to see my brokeness reflected back to me everyday.
4. i have very dirty feet!
5. My finger nails are dirty 76 percent of the time.
6. I eat with my hands 50 percent of the time.
7. i can make a plan but i can plan on the fact that it will not happen the way i planned!
8. Jesus teaches me everyday about HOPE!
9. My community and the Sari Bari ladies teach me everyday about intimacy, forgiveness, choseness, freedom and community.
10. When you wash the floor, it will only stay clean for 10 minutes.
11. I cohabitate with insects, rodents and gecko's.
12. I do not know what i look like 98percent of the time. This is often a bad thing!
13. I have significantly more gray hair in the last year.
14. I always look forward to going to work at Sari Bari.
15. The red light area is both the hardest and best thing i spend time doing every week.
16. Sitting on our kitchen counter every morning looking at the howrah bridge gives me life.
17. Cold showers are a beautiful thing when it is 103.
18. I see the bible with different eyes. many things make more sense....
19. Skype makes living here not so far away...
I guess I will leave it on an odd number.....just to keep it interesting. Lots of other things are true but right now i am headed for bed so i can get up and run in the morning! So number 20. could be, i get up every tuesday and thursday morning with beth and run by the river, just because.
The end of the experiment
The experiment is over but my life is changed. I think, hope and believe. I still find my hands willing to stay open and ready to give. My heart has changed. I feel more open to kolkata, to see the suffering than i have for a long time. I turned around yesterday when i walked past an old man and gave him something. He did not look like a beggar or an addict, he just looked desperate. I wondered what he was doing begging...he must have been really desperate. he seemed more like a villager, with some grave need, i did not have reason not to give so i turned around and gave. i hope i can stay soft, ready to respond, i let the rupees linger, collecting on the bottom of my purse ready for whomever God send across my path. we all need mercy and to be seen. i know after the last week, i need mercy. i need mercy. thankful today that i am beginning for the first time in my life to understand undeserved grace, beautiful mercy.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
do not grow weary in doing good
yesterday i was asked more than 15 times to give. 15 times in maybe 4 hours...i was worn out and ready to say no. it's hard to choose to "see" that many people, look into their eyes and say yes, okay here's a little something. i stopped wanting to give after about number 5, i felt a little attacked and vulnerable. on my way home, the words "do not grow weary in doing good" came to mind. i felt the weariness and wonder how i could keep this up if i was asked 15 times everyday instead of the usual 2 or 3. i wonder how jesus felt, or even feels, being asked a thousand, million times a day for this or that...i sure he wants to know our needs, wants to respond. he did respond on earth to both the person and the need, what is so overwhelming for me may have just been the natural response of the savior. still have alot to process about yesterday, and what days like it mean for my life.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
love your enemies
i think experiment is becoming more natural for me and i can see how practicing open hands, open heart leads to actually having at least more openness than before. but also how it can be so terribly painful. I had the strange and sad opportunity to meet the long term "babu" of one of our ladies last week. He is an austrailian man in his forties and he has been visiting one of the SB ladies since she was 14. i was full of loathing as i thought about meeting him but it was important to this lady that i do so...so i went to her house for tea. i felt like i sat down at the table in the presence of my enemy. I felt like he represented all that i hate about what men do to women who work in the trade. he was superior and justified his actions without me saying a word. mind you i did not say much, i was polite and kind and treated with him respect more for my friends sake than his. i wanted to yell and accuse. to demand explanation for his relationship with my friend, his use of her, his choice to continue to seek out other very young girls to sleep with in the red light area....but i felt the need to be silent, to be kind, to remember in the presence of my enemy that i am called to love my enemies and pray for those who persecute. i sense my presence and the presence of jesus that came with me was enough for him to feel all the condemnation that he must keep at bay, because it poured out with my saying anything, the guilt, the justification, the proud proclamation of what he believes. my silence i think was a grace for both of us...because instead of not so righteous anger, i was just so sad for this man. so sad for my friend and the lives of parrell pain and suffering that we inflict on each other. i felt sick with the sadness for my friend and twistedness of one of the most consistent relationships in her life is a man to who she can barely communicate and who openly sleeps with her and her neighbors. having an open heart, is painful, to let everyone in, to let them take a piece, even my enemies...jesus laid down his life not just for the righteous but for his enemies from that day to this....this is a beautiful profoundly painful sacrifice. i do not think i could lay down my life for that man, it was hard enough to hold my tongue. what a terrible, terrible tragedy that i so rarely comprehend this profound gift of grace, of undeserved forgiveness. may we all grow in grace and the knowledge of jesus...
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
seeing with different eyes
i treasure good frienships. I am guess most people do. Being more or less on my own for the last ten days i have relearned a few things about myself. I really do need to space and rest. when i have space and rest, i can give out and share life a whole lot better. that was my experience in omaha. i lived alone but that made my times with people more full, more enjoyable. i like being alone a bit but i really enjoying hosting people, caring for them, being hospitable too. i have had a couple of guests this week and the alone time has made those times feel more full, more special. i hung out with a friend on friday night and it was good just to talk and be. i think i realize that i continue to give out of a space of emptiness rather than fullness because i am never really alone and it does take me awhile when i do get those moments to relax. having extended time alone has helped me relax. i am wondering if i can find the space tod live this out on regular basis. i think finding my own place will help. maybe i could be relaxed and ready to share my life more readily. i want to treasure people better. treasure time with friends. not be compelled in a 1000 have to's but live in the 10 i would love to's. i have so so much to learn.
march 14,15,16: my experiment is still going and i am still very much working out how important it is to be prepared. thats really the thing i think. being prepared to give, making my heart ready to give and maybe not just to those who ask of me but everyone else. today ezekial 47 was the passage for sermon and the river that came out of the temple...i love that passage. the smallness of stream becoming a river that can not be crossed and the fruit and health that comes of the small things that God starts. in His will things will move beyond our control but good things still come (he does not need us to be in control)because thats his plan. the beggars of calcutta are teaching me to see the small things again. the things that first called me to this city...jesus reflected in the poorest of the poor. those who cry out in desperation for someone to see them, feed them, clothe them, set them free from the daily darkness. i have not had perfect responses, i think i have even in this process had sinful responses to giving ie. pride or selfishness. but slowly my eyes are being reopened and my heart is being softened again. i am starting to see again. working in the red light area, i often close myself off to the other suffering...it feels like too much. but i can see that God has given me a grace to live in this place and piece of his heart for all the people of calcutta from the rich to the desperately poor. i can practice his love in keeping my hands open, by being prepared with open hands to meet all the beautiful people that God loves so desperately. i can remember Isaiah 58, remember the call that first brought me here and promises for those who live the fast. i can see again anna kumari my old friend who i meet this week after many years and i can give to her freely without worrying. i can be sad that she is only 15 and already married and still on the street begging. i can be sad that so little changes and heart broken that poverty is an unstoppable force of destruction in the lives of those who live it. i can be sad that every person i have met on the street in the last several days is a broken picture of God's image in humanity and that there are so few working to restore. i can also rejoice because the kingdom is come, the kingdom is coming and the kingdom will come in kolkata!!
march 14,15,16: my experiment is still going and i am still very much working out how important it is to be prepared. thats really the thing i think. being prepared to give, making my heart ready to give and maybe not just to those who ask of me but everyone else. today ezekial 47 was the passage for sermon and the river that came out of the temple...i love that passage. the smallness of stream becoming a river that can not be crossed and the fruit and health that comes of the small things that God starts. in His will things will move beyond our control but good things still come (he does not need us to be in control)because thats his plan. the beggars of calcutta are teaching me to see the small things again. the things that first called me to this city...jesus reflected in the poorest of the poor. those who cry out in desperation for someone to see them, feed them, clothe them, set them free from the daily darkness. i have not had perfect responses, i think i have even in this process had sinful responses to giving ie. pride or selfishness. but slowly my eyes are being reopened and my heart is being softened again. i am starting to see again. working in the red light area, i often close myself off to the other suffering...it feels like too much. but i can see that God has given me a grace to live in this place and piece of his heart for all the people of calcutta from the rich to the desperately poor. i can practice his love in keeping my hands open, by being prepared with open hands to meet all the beautiful people that God loves so desperately. i can remember Isaiah 58, remember the call that first brought me here and promises for those who live the fast. i can see again anna kumari my old friend who i meet this week after many years and i can give to her freely without worrying. i can be sad that she is only 15 and already married and still on the street begging. i can be sad that so little changes and heart broken that poverty is an unstoppable force of destruction in the lives of those who live it. i can be sad that every person i have met on the street in the last several days is a broken picture of God's image in humanity and that there are so few working to restore. i can also rejoice because the kingdom is come, the kingdom is coming and the kingdom will come in kolkata!!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
silence and solidarity
so i have lost my voice again, the second time in about 3 months, seriously...maybe my times of morning contemplation are not enough, maybe God is telling me to shut up for the rest of the day too!! i got lots of good lectures today about gargling with hot water and ginger and other various home remedies. i think i must be a freak because i went about my day as normal and everyone was surprised when i could not speak. actually, trying to talk on the phone was hilarious, basically impossible with all the backround noise. i just had to hang up a couple of times....
we have been cleaning sari bari this week. it is looking quite beautiful and clean. the bags are finally making progress. upendra is amazing. gita is amazing and has stayed with me the couple of days so i would not be lonely with kristin and beth in nepal. we will be finished with all the SB legal details by the end of april. yeah!!
i am looking for a flat (small apt.). i have been considering living on my own for awhile now and feel like i am finally making progress(this after months of asking around) . I have seen one good flat...it could be better so i am going to hold out just a bit and then tonight i talked with a broker who reminded me of an indian elvis, i think it was the hair and hip swivel. anyway, he said within two weeks he would find me a place...we'll see what that means. looking for a place to live here is an ominous project. everyone overcharges because we are foriegners and they ask for outrageous deposits , which they also charge indians. i am not sure how anyone can afford to live here, i guess thats why so many don't actually have homes...i think 50 percent of the city population is still consider homeless because they live in slums or on the street. if the deposit, reflects about 25 percent of my income for the year how the heck does someone who makes a 1/3 of what i do handle such a thing. mind boggling!! solidarity takes on whole new meaning when considering these things.
this apartment search makes my open handedness seem small. what is 25 cents when i will have to invest 25 percent of my annual income in a deposit?
march 12, 13: normal calcutta days, full of sari bari life and not much else. I gave to the ladies i pass everyday on the way to sari bari. they had given up asking because i never gave. so i decide to give without being asked...just a little tea for everyone. today they all said thank you and smiled.
we have been cleaning sari bari this week. it is looking quite beautiful and clean. the bags are finally making progress. upendra is amazing. gita is amazing and has stayed with me the couple of days so i would not be lonely with kristin and beth in nepal. we will be finished with all the SB legal details by the end of april. yeah!!
i am looking for a flat (small apt.). i have been considering living on my own for awhile now and feel like i am finally making progress(this after months of asking around) . I have seen one good flat...it could be better so i am going to hold out just a bit and then tonight i talked with a broker who reminded me of an indian elvis, i think it was the hair and hip swivel. anyway, he said within two weeks he would find me a place...we'll see what that means. looking for a place to live here is an ominous project. everyone overcharges because we are foriegners and they ask for outrageous deposits , which they also charge indians. i am not sure how anyone can afford to live here, i guess thats why so many don't actually have homes...i think 50 percent of the city population is still consider homeless because they live in slums or on the street. if the deposit, reflects about 25 percent of my income for the year how the heck does someone who makes a 1/3 of what i do handle such a thing. mind boggling!! solidarity takes on whole new meaning when considering these things.
this apartment search makes my open handedness seem small. what is 25 cents when i will have to invest 25 percent of my annual income in a deposit?
march 12, 13: normal calcutta days, full of sari bari life and not much else. I gave to the ladies i pass everyday on the way to sari bari. they had given up asking because i never gave. so i decide to give without being asked...just a little tea for everyone. today they all said thank you and smiled.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
BE PREPARED!!
Being prepared goes a really long way on multiple levels.
March 10: Totally unprepared today. i was in Sari Bari mode. i had to run a few errands and left without money and found my self hounded and feeling selfish and a bit frustrated and at being a bit dehumanized but also at myself for not being prepared. the experience hardened my heart a bit which caused me to look away once or twice during the rest of the day. when i have nothing but 500 rupee notes what do i do? give the 500 rupees? makes me wonder if i am truly being generous because what i have given up to this point has not really cost me anything but some time in slowing down to see the people asking for my help.
March 11: prepared today...made a difference. was in new market for a bit so had multiple giving opps. still wondering how generous i need to be when giving to everyone who asks...when most only expect a ruppee or two. gave one lady 10 rupees, more than usual but still does not cost me anything but a few seconds to Pull out the bill and look the woman in the eye.
on a another note, i started Weight watchers. another example where being prepared is really important. i have to plan the day before what i will eat or it will not work. so much effort to be prepared all the time. working toward my goal of 35 by 35!
being prepared is a discipline. faithfulness to a person, a project or idea does not just happen. it takes discipline, practice. i always seem to forget that faithfulness is not so much a passive thing...rather it seems to be one of the most active of the mind games i play. practicing faithfulness for one more day...trying anyway. we will see what happens today!
March 10: Totally unprepared today. i was in Sari Bari mode. i had to run a few errands and left without money and found my self hounded and feeling selfish and a bit frustrated and at being a bit dehumanized but also at myself for not being prepared. the experience hardened my heart a bit which caused me to look away once or twice during the rest of the day. when i have nothing but 500 rupee notes what do i do? give the 500 rupees? makes me wonder if i am truly being generous because what i have given up to this point has not really cost me anything but some time in slowing down to see the people asking for my help.
March 11: prepared today...made a difference. was in new market for a bit so had multiple giving opps. still wondering how generous i need to be when giving to everyone who asks...when most only expect a ruppee or two. gave one lady 10 rupees, more than usual but still does not cost me anything but a few seconds to Pull out the bill and look the woman in the eye.
on a another note, i started Weight watchers. another example where being prepared is really important. i have to plan the day before what i will eat or it will not work. so much effort to be prepared all the time. working toward my goal of 35 by 35!
being prepared is a discipline. faithfulness to a person, a project or idea does not just happen. it takes discipline, practice. i always seem to forget that faithfulness is not so much a passive thing...rather it seems to be one of the most active of the mind games i play. practicing faithfulness for one more day...trying anyway. we will see what happens today!
Saturday, March 08, 2008
8 rupees
March 8: i think i have been of the mind set in the last year that i will not give unless i hear a from God otherwise. and i think the last week has lead me to see that there are errors in this thinking. right now i am ready to give to anyone who asks...i am wondering if the better perspective is being ready to give unless i hear that i should not. many only ask for a rupee or two...the elderly lady by the metro with her hand out, the man at the corner of hazra road, the older man by upendra's all for 8 rupees. they did not ask for more...this is how they make their living...one or two rupees at a time.
a softer open heart just might be easier to maintain that the hard heart. i am finding it easer to give and i am finding myself prepared to give, my heart ready with compassion. when i am ready to give to anyone who asks, strangely i am finding that i might really be seeing people better because i am not closing myself to their needs before i am even really speak to them.
a softer open heart just might be easier to maintain that the hard heart. i am finding it easer to give and i am finding myself prepared to give, my heart ready with compassion. when i am ready to give to anyone who asks, strangely i am finding that i might really be seeing people better because i am not closing myself to their needs before i am even really speak to them.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Today and yesterday
Today was a holiday. And yesterday i was at Sari Bari all day. No opportunities to hold my hand open to those one the streets. However, I did have a few unique opportunities to use my skills(they are strange and varied to be sure). I mediated a conflict at Sari Bari between two ladies. They gossip sometimes and hurt each other...so many women in one place is always a bit sparky! I must say i am loving upendra...he is so amazing! i love dreaming with him about Sari Bari. i loved talking with upendra yesterday about opening a bank account...he was so excited! I rested today because it was a holiday and helped a friend figure out how to start a business of her own for the ladies. i sat on the floor and processed life with beth before she left for nepal (hope you are enjoying the treasure of nepal bethie!)I spring cleaned my room halfway, the rest maybe will happen on saturday. i tried to bid on an ipod but i am bad at it because in my world i will get one for 25USD when they are selling for 150USD. it can't hurt to keep trying. I had to fight to pay the right price for an auto and ended up in an auto with the sweetest guy ever..so thankful for those calcutta redemptive moments. I loved coming home from coffee today in an auto...it was a scene full of life and energy. everyone is out because it is warming up...men sitting on their haunches playing cards, drinking tea, avoiding their wives, women out shopping, people selling veggies,chickens and towels, men holding their kids, business men in dirty autos looking funny because they look so professional and out of place scrunched into an auto with 5 other guys. it was the kolkata i love....full of life, full of people, the kind of day where i can almost forget that i don't quite fit, still i think i belong.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
more on the experiment...
March 3: walking by the river, a woman in the slums by the tracks waves us over. biscuits for all the kids she asks....so biscuits it is, 12 packs (1 dollar). And 5 rups to the man who could not walk. hard to take in all the need everywhere. still seems like the neediest might be those who do not have the power to ask...
Monday, March 03, 2008
Heart Experiment
Blessed are the poor...for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
I am doing a little heart experiment. prompted by last weeks experience with the little boy. I am going to give to everyone who asks of me. I am going to give them money, tea, time, and food. And i will not say no. I am going to do this for a month and see if my hard heart cracks up a bit. I am going to do a daily update whenever i encounter someone to i should extend my hand.
1 March: Today is the first day. I avoid all places with beggars.
2 March: Park street. i never give on park street. begging is a profession. but today i gave not much just a little. i almost did not give. this has become my first response. i gave to the kids and the old ladies who always ask. i was afraid of giving because they always ask for more. they did today but it did not matter.
3 March: taking a taxi, the woman and the baby, she did not look into my eyes. not once, only extended her hand. i felt her shame, her brokeness. her lost humanity, my privledge punches me in the gut.
4 march: a new day. god gave me matthew 5 for today. new eyes to live the day...
3 "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
4 "You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
5 "You're blessed when you're content with just who you are— no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
6 "You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
7 "You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
8 "You're blessed when you get your inside world— your mind and heart— put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
9 "You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
10 "You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.
11 "Not only that— count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable.
12 You can be glad when that happens— give a cheer, even!— for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.
13 "Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.
14 "Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill.
15 If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand.
16 Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand— shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.
keep looking for jesus today. i am...
I am doing a little heart experiment. prompted by last weeks experience with the little boy. I am going to give to everyone who asks of me. I am going to give them money, tea, time, and food. And i will not say no. I am going to do this for a month and see if my hard heart cracks up a bit. I am going to do a daily update whenever i encounter someone to i should extend my hand.
1 March: Today is the first day. I avoid all places with beggars.
2 March: Park street. i never give on park street. begging is a profession. but today i gave not much just a little. i almost did not give. this has become my first response. i gave to the kids and the old ladies who always ask. i was afraid of giving because they always ask for more. they did today but it did not matter.
3 March: taking a taxi, the woman and the baby, she did not look into my eyes. not once, only extended her hand. i felt her shame, her brokeness. her lost humanity, my privledge punches me in the gut.
4 march: a new day. god gave me matthew 5 for today. new eyes to live the day...
3 "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
4 "You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
5 "You're blessed when you're content with just who you are— no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
6 "You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
7 "You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
8 "You're blessed when you get your inside world— your mind and heart— put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
9 "You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
10 "You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.
11 "Not only that— count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable.
12 You can be glad when that happens— give a cheer, even!— for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.
13 "Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.
14 "Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill.
15 If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand.
16 Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand— shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.
keep looking for jesus today. i am...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)