Dude...I'm angry

So this week i think denial has moved to anger as i process Pornima's loss and probably the fact that it touches on all the other injustices that I encounter daily. I have walked past the place where she used to stand multiple times this week looking for her, hoping that I would see her and all that has happened would have only been a nightmare. This anger has compelled me forward so hard that I am accomplishing alot (negative energy producing hopefully positive things) and thankfully not hurting anyone in the process...because basically i am not angry at anyone but at systems of injustice, at fatalism in the culture that surrounds me and at my own powerless to stop it. I am angry that Pornima's son will not be going to school--if you pray, please pray that this changes, i am angry to be away from my sister when she is hurting, i am angry that i helpless to change anything much.

This afternoon i crashed and just felt weary and tired and almost all the anger left. I think and hope this is God's grace. I feel pretty confident that I want these feelings to leave and love to replace it....to shed that hard protect wall that has been keeping me sane and let God love me so that love can flow better to others. Because as they say...love can cover a multitude of sins. Goodness knows i need my sins covered and forgiven. I guess when i feel this spent the only place I can turn with my emptiness is Jesus. He seems to have been taking the heat with some of my sadness and anger and hurt over so much injustice and suffering. I hopeful for His continued embrace in the coming days until all this anger is gone and love and mercy find their way back.

Jesus have mercy on me and on the world!