Saturday, July 26, 2008

When good things come to pass...

There are things in the last few days that have lifted my eyes from the ground and reminded me that the "to do's" have a grace in them. Because sometimes there is a beautiful fruit the past investment that reminds me of my current purpose in vocation and calling amoung the women in the trade. sometimes doing the thing i do not feel like doing leads to provision, grace and hope in ways i do not understand until later.

The stories of interns being discipled by our women of grace and beauty through their hospitality and friendship. The wisdom of a Godly child teaching her silly leaders about grace and true beauty. I love hearing the stories retold,i love the words that are preached being lived out so well as to remind me of my why's and yes'.

Gita's words,
"I am beautiful because God made me beautiful."
"Your life has so much value."

Spoken over others with simple confidence, far reaching in their simplicity and wisdom. The passionate embrace of confidence in being a loved one of Jesus.

i was tired and worn yesterday and the last thing i wanted to look at another property but to my surprise I saw the perfect location for Sari Bari in the Gach. really nothing could be better! It was more than is what i have been praying for months. we have been looking and looking for a space in the other area we work but the doors have remained closed and this seems to be opening up. i could provide freedom to 50 women. it is in the middle of the largest redlight area and on the worst lane for underage girls. it would be a beacon of hope in the middle of desperation. pray, pray,pray that we get it, pray that we can work out the funds, pray for a miracle!!

My dear friend julie is here visiting. it is good to be known and share this part of my life with such an old friend.

thankful for today and trying to be faithful in the waiting for those good things that God has for His kids in Kolkata.

Sunday, July 20, 2008


If could describe myself in word today...i would say "buried." the have tos and have nots, should, and coulds, and what ifs, and "responsiblities" real or false have me buried at the moment. i hate that whenever i go to the states that coming back here is so hard. that i catch my breath for moment in the company of family and friends and then i must again submerge, hold my breath and wonder how long i can make it this time. the things is i know i could leave but i do not want to--i want to make it work here, i want to thrive here...sometimes i do thrive. but probably more real is that i mostly survive. The conflict is of course that i love the ladies, i love my job as catalyst of movements and ideas and developer of others, i love my community. But i am having a hard time thriving at the moment, being sick does not help much. each life giving moment feels swallowed by the moments that want to take from me. maybe i am holding on too tight, so rather than giving my life away, i feel like it is being taken. maybe this is a season, I hope so. i want to write good things, amazing stories of hope and truth not self sad complaining words but i am stuggling to keep my head up. so i only catch glimpes of the light, moments each day that move me forward. moments like on friday when i remember what it is i am about in this place--freedom on behalf of the only one who offers it truly. i remembered the visions of something new for sari bari in a new place and something new for girls for in mushirabad who might not need to find a job in a red light area if we can offer them one at home. It was a moment of light when Gita said i will go, i will go. i want to go and be a light bringer to the darkness, to show these girls they have value. that was my moment on friday...i think it might get me through the week. if you pray, pray for me. pray for something fresh to refresh and breath to help me breath when i feel like i am can not, pray for grace.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

receive or else

I heard a good sermon this morning. it was good reminder and challenge for my week. He talked about receiving, something i have a very difficult time with in general especially receiving affirmation or compliments. I think part of it is that i really do believe many times things that happen here have nothing to do with me and part of it is that i am just bad at receiving. the speaker said that one of the reasons that we find the cross offensive is because there is nothing that we can contribute to it. we have no part in it, we can not ask God not to do it for us or say let me take part of the was and is a gift, a divine sacrificial compliment for us to receive. there is no other response but gratefulness. it is hard to just rest in that place of knowing that we can do nothing to make it up to God. we can only be who he has called us be, human beings, in a broken world where his Kingdom has come, is coming and will come. We are called to "be" not "do"...being always supercedes doing. we are human "beings" not human "doing"...though we/I often like to think the doing will make the being easier. if i can just get it all done then i can be. maybe this week i try to "be" and let the doing happen out of that place.