Wednesday, May 31, 2006
i feel like a heaviness hangs on me today....not feeling my best. kristin is in dehli till friday so maybe just feeling a little lonely. Our friend and co-worker Upendra's wife has been in the hospital for 5 days awaiting the arrival of their baby--nothing is wrong--not sure why they have her in the hospital for what basically seems to be normal stuff...who can fathom the minds of the indian hospital system...anyway, Upendra and Rada are both wearing out and ready for this baby to come--please keep them in your prayers.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
And then i got off the metro in kalighat and this guy had what would be the equivalent of barbie's torso on the bottom of his cane--the cane went through the holes where the legs where supposed to be...so weird.
if feel like kind of things happen all the time here and they are things i think no one will believe or remotely understand how freaken bizarre my life is and how totally weird and out of place some of the things we see seem to be...
here to a change for a the better... a weird day instead of a bad one!!
Monday, May 29, 2006
is it right for to answer every need around me with a YES? i ask myself this question all the time...this is question first timers always ask when they come here. i keep trying to figure out what my most profound yes can be...after year of pondering this i have come up with another answer (i am sure there will be yet another answer in the future)...my PROFOUND YES is this...i want to be apart of wholistic life giving freedom for women in and coming out of the sex trade. And in my deepest yes, there will be many, many NO's because unfortunatley freedom is a hard and weary road to walk...no one ever said it would easy but WOW i certainly think it is worth it to have freedom. I can only walk with these ladies, i can give a job and HOPE...certainly something to HOPE IN...but i can not give in to the desire to make it easy and in making it easy make them dependant. especially, because freedom will bring them to a place interdependance with GOD and NOT co-dependance on man. I have had to say some very hard NO's this last week. no's that have broken my heart over and over again...i feel like i can taste what it must be like to be mother or father who wants to give their child everything, all good things, to spoil them in a sense, to lavish them with all the good things that money can buy...but i am restrained...i know that i can not do that...i guess there is point that you have to let your child fall so that he can get up and walk again on his own. i can still lavish the love but i learning this week that i have to let child fall, SAY some no's, so that the child will get up and walk and I can give the deeper PROFOUND YES.
I am not gonna proof this cause i do not have time but i hope it makes sense. things are a little better here in kolkata..so if you have been praying for us keep it up and i am sure things will right themselves to an even higher level of good...we serve a God that makes all things new. reading matthew 10 over and over the last 2 days...super encouraged..love the be wise as serpents and gentle as doves thing...and at the end i feel very loved and known as i remember that he knows the hairs of our head!
Friday, May 26, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Sari Bari is going really well and i am loving and in love with the ladies. it is a beautiful thing to see them continue to restored and renewed daily as their old life is farther and farther behind them. When i was at the conference in April i really saw a need for some counseling and maybe some type of group therapy....the wounds in these ladies hearts are deep and profound...i guess that is everyone's story...we all have deep and profound wounds. I think that as much as it is in my control i want to be to provide wholistic freedom for these woman...not only a safe place to work and meet jesus but a place where they can have counseling and deep inner healing when they are ready to take that step. we will be looking into maybe hiring some counselors or psycholgists here in india to do some training and group therapy so please keep that in your prayers and for how we might better be able to bring even better support to these women as they need it.
i think i said before that it has been a rough adjustment coming back to kolkata. it has and is but things are getting a little better and being in community with all the amazing people here is sure helping.
i have nothing really profound to say except it good to know that Jesus with me here and loves me here and makes all these new things out of the crap that often times is kolkata.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
that was just the begining of the day...i had a free night at the hyatt so kristin and i lived it up a little and rested in the air conditioning after several days of sweating our way through cleaning up our "bird invaded" apartment and yes, still the smell of bird poop lingers even after hours and hours of scouring. so back the birthday, i received so many emails and calls and gifts (thanks bethie). I felt lavishly and undeservedly cherished on my 33rd birthday. Kristin and Beth gave me a beautiful chocolate brown shawl and a hand carved cross--kristin and i enjoyed a early evening swim at the hyatt and a glass of wine along with some good food. I was really an amazing day.
it felt very undeserved and i guess maybe that is why my overwhelming feeling on friday was that it was most certainly God using the beloved people in my life to show me how much he loved me. i think i am still not expressing how amazing my day was but mostly i just want to say how thankful i am....
i love the ladies at sari bari. i love kristin and beth. i love the faithfulness of my parents. i love that i am 33. i love that i have beautiful amazing and lifelong friendships. I love that Jesus first loved us.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Monday, May 08, 2006
so here is the top eleven highlights for my time at home (non nessarily in order of importance)...
1. eating mexican food ( i ate a Cebolla's three times0
2. Hearing my niece say my name
3. spending time with my brother and sister in law
4. meeting Jan Meyers at the conference (She wrote Allure of Hope --read it!)
5. Brats, corn on the cob, zesto's, and lots of diet coke
6. being with my sister, having coffee with my dad and having lunch with my mom
7. being reminded that i am not in control of my life
8. I called India and one of the ladies at Sari Bari told me to hurry home
9. not eating one grain of rice
10. selling 10 blankets for sari bari at the conference
11.being alone in a beautiful place where Jesus could meet me and remind to let go
home in america is a good thing and home in kolkata is its perfect compliment. I am carrying back lots of goodies for my friend--a extra 50 pounds in fact--it should be a sweet homecoming.
friday will be my 33 birthday--my jesus year--if you do not know what that means--well i will tell you...basically it is the year that jesus died---i do not want to die but a little dying to self would'nt hurt and a whole lot more jesus would be great. Looking forward to an amazing year...if the last 8 months are any indication of the next year i think i am in for some GOOD stuff.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
I have been at an amazing conference for Christians who are working with women who prostitute around the world. And truly, mostly I have found myself encouraged but after 5 days I am really ready not to talk about it anymore...not to live it in for just day. I feel very selfish saying this and it is selfish since the women I love and care about deeply in Kolkata never get a break.
I said in my last blog entry that I had a really good day at the gach on Thursday before I left Calcutta...it was good because it was painful and I was moved in particular for one woman. Her name is rupa and I actually met her years ago when I first lived in