weary in my sorrow

this is a time for lament. more than any other time up to now since october i feel the heavy burdens of this place. i see the life and hope being pulled from those i love. i feel a bit lonely and abandoned if i am honest and really completely helpless to really confront the problems before me. i ache with sorrow for the deep and painful losses of my friends at sari bari. i am angry that their suffering has been so much and without relief. i am angry that the road to freedom is so hard and that so few will and can walk it after being beaten down for so long. i am brokenhearted that so many more will suffer at the hands of traffickers and the rapists who call themselves lovers. i am angry that dignity, identity and HOPE are casualities in this war for the humanity of these women i now call my friends. I am angry that there is a destroyer who seeks to decimate the little life that remains in the hearts of stone on the lanes of kalighat and sonagacchi. i hate the death and destruction around me...my anger and fear burns within my soul...a fierceness that is only curbed by the gentleness of jesus in my life. i am angry that we have to wait so long for justice and that the tormentor has more rights than the tormented. i am angry that my tears for them mean nothing and will quickly evaporate in the heat that is this hell. my tears mean nothing and deserve no comfort because there was no one there to comfort these beautys of creation when they cried...they cried alone and those loney tears dried and hardened their hearts so that nothing could get in to hurt them again. i can not understand. i do not want to understand or reason this out...it is not reasonable. where is God for my friends? who will stand in the gap for them? why do you not strike the wicked and make them suffer and grovel and beg for mercy...mercy that they never gave. why God? where is one who will advocate for these helpless ones? my unfaithful heart is broken. tears stand behind my eyes but still can not come because they may never stop....i am so angry. so so angry that this is reality and that i so desperately want to run away from it...but i am here. i will wait for you God in this hell with these who have suffered and lived hell. i will wait for you God. I will wait until one more woman has freedom. will wait till this stops...this horrific onslaugter of the sexual assault of 60000 woman a day. i will wait in your arms because that is the only place that i can possibly have HOPE. and so i wait angry, beating your chest with my fists even as you embrace and love me...let your embrace encircle them. hear my cry oh God. hear their cry, remove the sword from their mouth. hear my cry and save them.