Just gotta keep growing

When you are kid you think that there will come a point when you are a grown up. But i think being a grown up only signifies that our bodies have stopped growing not our minds our hearts or our spirituality. i feel like i am continually challenged to keep growing...though i do often wish there would be a stopping point at which I could stay that's it, i am done growing up. growing up, growing at all in any way really, is super painful. growing pains used to mean leg cramps in 7th grade and the unfamiliarity of a changing body that seemed to grow faster than my mind. but now it means saying well we have been doing it this for awhile but there is a better way to do it, one that is more humane, more dignifying, more right. growing now causes other types of pain, like letting go, re-identification, re-membering of myself, my thoughts, submission of desires, submission of dreams, submission of self to the other. i have been waiting for years for life in kolkata to normalize, to have a rythmn that stays the same but that day has never come. every day is a challenge to grow up into something different or better. i feel like i have to grow out of things that have been one way to allow new things to spring up and there is loss in growing out of things. growing out of a way of a way of thinking or believing so that i can grow up toward the sunlight where there is a wealth of food and nourishment for my soul. the community here in kolkata is growing these days, most certainly in numbers, but more significantly in how we can and should do life here, how we can submit ourselves better to culture, simplicity and one another. i am definitely challenged and even in a little pain with the growth we are experiencing but i know that i just gotta keep growing. The day growing up stops we die.