running

this morning i went for a run...dodging people and rickshaws in the bazaar. always looking down, fearing for my ankles and the potholes that seek to wreck them. still looking down, avoiding the stares we make it to the river, crossing the train tracks onto one of relatively quiet places in the city...people taking their baths on the other side of the muddy, garbage littered banks. my nostrils are filled with the smell of shit, occasional wafts of fresh air pentrate my lungs a moment at time puntuated with early morning urines wafting scent. i run on, pressing foward, not alone but feeling isolated by my bodies aches and my mind whelmed by sights you can only see at 6am in kolkata. running foward toward todays goal, finishing. only to keep running and remember to eat better the night before the next one. always lingering the desire for water and to stop sweating. dripping, soggily, pressing forward back across the train tracks still not halfway through it. men yelling, half hearted attempts to run with us...but they never keep going. they run past us for a minute until we slow but steady continue the dogged paces of todays trek...i see the half way point relieved, wondering if my back will hold out, will hold me up until the end. a will of steel, that's what i creating a today...the ability to do anything, mocked and taunted, and still finish and be proud that i did it. i am still looking down, only smiling at women and children sitting on the ground, knowing they think i am crazy women do not run here and certainly not chubby ones...so many still sleeping through the chaos adding to the labrinyth of the sidewalks...not only potholes but people. almost finished, only water and stopping keep me going and that thing i know deeply. that thing i know from all my failures, slow and steady wins the race, i am not alone, and i could never do it alone and mostly its in my mind. deeply satisified with finishing and still knowing i could have gone harder...we'll see what happens on thursday.