i treasure good frienships. I am guess most people do. Being more or less on my own for the last ten days i have relearned a few things about myself. I really do need to space and rest. when i have space and rest, i can give out and share life a whole lot better. that was my experience in omaha. i lived alone but that made my times with people more full, more enjoyable. i like being alone a bit but i really enjoying hosting people, caring for them, being hospitable too. i have had a couple of guests this week and the alone time has made those times feel more full, more special. i hung out with a friend on friday night and it was good just to talk and be. i think i realize that i continue to give out of a space of emptiness rather than fullness because i am never really alone and it does take me awhile when i do get those moments to relax. having extended time alone has helped me relax. i am wondering if i can find the space tod live this out on regular basis. i think finding my own place will help. maybe i could be relaxed and ready to share my life more readily. i want to treasure people better. treasure time with friends. not be compelled in a 1000 have to's but live in the 10 i would love to's. i have so so much to learn.
march 14,15,16: my experiment is still going and i am still very much working out how important it is to be prepared. thats really the thing i think. being prepared to give, making my heart ready to give and maybe not just to those who ask of me but everyone else. today ezekial 47 was the passage for sermon and the river that came out of the temple...i love that passage. the smallness of stream becoming a river that can not be crossed and the fruit and health that comes of the small things that God starts. in His will things will move beyond our control but good things still come (he does not need us to be in control)because thats his plan. the beggars of calcutta are teaching me to see the small things again. the things that first called me to this city...jesus reflected in the poorest of the poor. those who cry out in desperation for someone to see them, feed them, clothe them, set them free from the daily darkness. i have not had perfect responses, i think i have even in this process had sinful responses to giving ie. pride or selfishness. but slowly my eyes are being reopened and my heart is being softened again. i am starting to see again. working in the red light area, i often close myself off to the other suffering...it feels like too much. but i can see that God has given me a grace to live in this place and piece of his heart for all the people of calcutta from the rich to the desperately poor. i can practice his love in keeping my hands open, by being prepared with open hands to meet all the beautiful people that God loves so desperately. i can remember Isaiah 58, remember the call that first brought me here and promises for those who live the fast. i can see again anna kumari my old friend who i meet this week after many years and i can give to her freely without worrying. i can be sad that she is only 15 and already married and still on the street begging. i can be sad that so little changes and heart broken that poverty is an unstoppable force of destruction in the lives of those who live it. i can be sad that every person i have met on the street in the last several days is a broken picture of God's image in humanity and that there are so few working to restore. i can also rejoice because the kingdom is come, the kingdom is coming and the kingdom will come in kolkata!!
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