what a week...

i feel like i can not really put into words how i feel about my week....weird, good and hard stuff had happened...

like last night a rat ran between my legs and was actually large enough to swish my skirt...i mean this little guy was not so little, i could feel how heavy he was as he ran across my feet. i screamed..the downstairs family thought this was funny...we had a little conversation about the rat being the size of cat.

on tuesday night kristin and i sat out on the veranda and split a really, really cold beer (we could split it cuz it comes in one liter bottles here!)and listened to christmas music. it was really perfect...

...especially after my day on tuesday which was spent pursuing the impossible plane ticket...we were supposed to have regional staff retreat in nepal in october but tickets are not available beause of puja (which is the hindu relgious festival time). major bummer. we still have to leave the country though for our six month thingy...might have to suffer in thailand for a few days.

reading psalm 40 this week and it is really good for some reason...there is this part about our sin, one version calls it brokeness, being so overwhelming that we can not make it...it out numbers the hairs on our heads...i feel like this is the women we work with at sari bari...their brokenesss and their circumstances are so overwhelming that they can not do it on their own. they have to help....but the dilemma is alway how to help them. i basically want to help them help themselves...may sound trite or cheesy but they really have take their freedoom....through the job we offer at sari bari freedom can come but they have to choose it, want it, take it for themselves. one woman might be leaving...she feels tremendous family pressure for money and feels like the trade will provide...but you can see in her eyes she does not want to go back...it hurts her to think about it. we have to let her go if she goes...my heart was broken i wrestled with it this week...i hate to see her leave but i she leaves it is her choice and i can not offer her more money just so she will stay...it will only sell short the many, many women of both now and the future who will make it work somehow...i do want to pay them more but i am just not sure how...i alway want the people to be more important than the business so i wonder if non profit is the better way to go...really i do not know anything except i want these women to have wholistic freedom.

these are my ramblings...they may not make any sense but i still trying to process how this business thing is supposed to work...